Captured! by Robots

If you've seen JBOT, the human "slave" to the robots ruthlessly abused throughout the course of the show by the same robots he created and brought to life, you can’t wait to see it again. JBOT’s intestines hanging out from his abdomen might seem a little nauseating at first, but as the show progresses they remind you are watching something unique, one-of-a-kind and highly entertaining Towards the end of the show, you’ll come to a sad realization that you wont’s see anything equaly obscene and grotesque in a music venue until the next Captured! By Robots tour.

The Captured! By Robots backstory claims that the human, in an attempt to make his own band, created the robots. Instead of following him, they revolted, pulled out his intestines and eyes, and now force him to travel the world with them, performing music and making him contemplate the inferiority of the human race.

The version 1 of C!BR ended on Aug 8, 2013 with closing of the "Captured! By Robots is Trippin' Balls" tour. The V2fu.0 will make its debut with the upcoming 2014 tour. Be there to witness history.

I Love Rich

Judging by the song titles on I Love Rich's Season Of The Rich EP, you don't have to be a brain surgeon to figure out that this is going to be full of sexual innuendos. Actually, forget the innuendos, with titles like "Let's Fuck All Night" and "Everybody's Getting Laid Tonight", they aren't hinting or alluding to anything, they've just come straight out with it. There is a cheesy element about I Love Rich. Lead singer Rich does a good job of convincing the listener that he knows how great he and his band are, but in a farcical kind of a way. From their official site and myspace page, these guys are indeed amusing, with Rich proclaiming about himself, 'He's the king of rock'n'roll, all the ladies want his jock, King Kong ain't got shit on him'. And as much as he probably wants us to believe it, I'm more inclined to guess his tongue is firmly in his cheek. I've seen I Love Rich live, and it's an entertaining show with a party atmosphere because they have that vibe in their music. Unless you are humorless or are easily offended, you really can't help but crack a smile at this.

Although I Love Rich don't seem to take themselves too seriously, they shouldn't be dismissed because musically they aren't a parody or joke at all. They appear to be pretty accomplished musicians with some tasty riffs and big drums. Rich himself sounds a lot like Paul Stanley which, considering Kiss' massive fan base, isn't a bad thing.
All the songs do have a sameness about them, but then again so do AC/DC and that hasn't done them any harm. Season Of The Rich is a straight ahead mix of punk rock and glam with a smirk on its face. It won't set the world on fire, but it's perfect if you fancy opening a few cold ones at home and re-creating the feeling that you are out at a sweat soaked bar having a good time with I Love Rich.

Beast Warrior

Combining a slavish devotion to guitar harmonies with an unnatural obsession with fantastical genitalia, BEAST WARRIOR is Chicago's only name in erotic fantasy metal. Birthed before the origins of the sun, but formed in 2008, the pre-eminent masters of the void supply eager listeners with a journey to the depths of Satan's colon.

Stand upon the sands of the arena and gird thy loins for battle. When BEAST WARRIOR takes the stage, blood and ale flow in abundance, and every person slakes their thirst.

The Hamburglars

From the desk of the Burger Master General:
The public should be on he look out for a dastardly group of burger thieves known as The Hamburglars. These miscreants are obsessed with cheeseburgers and will swipe them right before your eyes. They have cunningly disguised themselves as band that play a rowdy brand of garage rock mixed with familiar elements of pop culture.

Eye witness accounts report that audience members appear mesmerized by The Hamburglars' new but familiar sound & have been heard leaving venues repeating The Hamburglars' mantra, "Robble, Robble, Robble Cheeseburger."

This rock-n-roll spell cast upon unsuspecting audience members causes dancing, cheering and uncontrollable robbling. On several occasions concert goers have returned to their bar stools to sadly discover their cheeseburgers were gone. But after a moment, and a "Robble, Robble" they forgot they even had a cheeseburger and went on enjoying the show.

This is the power of "The Robble" and The Hamburglars wield this power with a greasy rock-n-rock spatula. Authorities ask for the public's assistance in capturing and containing these burger hoodlums. Therefore, we requests all citizens be on the lookout for The Hamburglars...attend their performances...blend in by dancing and your burgers & never forget the power of "The Robble." That is all.


Don W. Chiez
Burger Master General



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