Iron Reagan, A Band Of Orcs
815 V St. NW
Washington, DC, 20001
THE TIME IS NOW! On your knees in submission and worship at the feet of the true lords of the underworld, humans! The mighty GWAR is again upon us. Unassailable in grandeur, GWAR emerged from the very bowels of Antarctica and have grown into two-time Grammy Award nominated icons whose influence upon society is far too great to accurately gauge. GWAR is all-ruling and everlasting! Surrender yourself to their remorseless force!
In the beginning…
GWAR is part of an ancient order of warriors known as the Scumdogs Of The Universe who were banished from space and sent to planet Earth for a scandalous array of cosmic crimes. Once on Earth, the Scumdogs fornicated with apes and thus, through bestial sexual mutation, the human race was born. A crime far too great for their extraterrestrial ruler/maker — The Master — to discount, the Scumbogs were incarcerated in ice, deep beneath their hulking temple in the wastelands of Antarctica. Here they lay dormant for millions of years, controlling the will of the humans they’d spawned through mental telepathy. With little effort and great results, they brought about war, disease and injustice. Earth was on a path to self-destruction before GWAR had ever played a note…
Days grew into weeks, weeks into months and month into years. According to legend, the advent of ‘80s hair metal ultimately led to the Scumdog’s reawakening and GWAR’s inevitable rise. “Because of their overuse of hair spray, a huge hole was burned into the ozone above our temple,” vocalist Oderus Urungus recalls thoughtfully. “Our ice began to thaw.” Just then, intergalactic fugitive gangster/music mogul Sleazy P. Martini, fleeing the wreckage of his helicopter (which was shot down by the IRS) stumbled upon the Scumdogs’ tomb. Martini’s gold chains, shiny suit and slick pompadour inadvertently redirected the sun’s rays and accelerated the melt. The defrosted Scumdogs instinctively prepared to destroy Martini but guitarist Balsac, The Jaws Of Death, swayed by a prophecy about the pre-eminence of whomever freed them, convinced the ‘dogs otherwise. Martini eventually taught the aliens to play instruments, got them hooked on crack and set them on the road in the form of a heavy metal band. GWAR was born. The band immediately embarked on a 25-year (and counting) assault on the Earth, the goal being the ultimate disintegration of all humankind. “We are intent on the actual melting of the entire planet,” Urungus, who is approximately 43 billion years old with a penchant for melting things, boldly clarifies.
As Earth's only openly extraterrestrial band, GWAR has since witnessed, inspired and is indeed directly responsible for many of the most destructive events in Earth’s recent past. It is no coincidence that since the second coming of GWAR, this world’s has slipped ever closer to the apocalypse. As immortal heavy metal warlords who put on the greatest show in history, GWAR exact reverence in each and every land they pillage, their brain-draining, ear-searing, eruption of blood, guts, savage lust and gastric juices a ritual every human must endure.
Bringers of gore, torture and amoral humiliation, GWAR has hurt feelings, fought off throngs of alien attackers and caused billions of dollars in property damage yet despite their generally anti-social behavior, GWAR — and their awe-inspiring collection of CDs, EPs and videos — has inspired a planet-wide legion of followers, a sure sign that an Earth-bound takeover is imminent.
Two-and-a-half decades later…
Many have tried to replicate the debilitating sounds and psychological trauma that defines the cosmic collective. No one has succeeded, nor will they, for GWAR is an unconquerable galactic battalion of rage and destruction, who are as loved as they are feared.
“We are immortal gods, forged in the fires of the Universe's creation,” proclaims Urungus loudly. “The endless wars and scores, the utter majesty that is GWAR, is unmatched, our supremacy eternal! Undying yet not undead, we are Kaos-Demons from far beyond the Kretek Nebuli. Proficient in all gravities, we are the SCUMDOGS OF THE UNIVERSE! This gives us quite an edge over most bands.”
“We are great, they are not,” adds bassist Beefcake The Mighty. “The few intelligent humans out there who recognize quality have followed us from the beginning and will continue to do so until rewarded with death at our hands. The rest of Earth's sheep exist only for our amusement.”
Join the members of GWAR — Urungus, Beefcake, Balsac, drummer Jizmak Da Gusha and guitarist Flattus Maximus — as they mark the 25th year of their re-awakening on planet Earth with new album, Lust In Space, coming August 18th. Recently resigned to powerhouse label Metal Blade Records after an eight-year/two-record absence, GWAR’s latest long player promises to be their most sonically devouring, instrumentally challenging offering to date. A head-jarring, teeth gnashing Molotov cocktail of chronic chaos, songs like “Let Us Slay,” “The UberKlaw,” “Where Is Zog?” and the title track, will silence any remaining skeptics for all eternity.
“When Lust in Space drops in August, the world shall be forced to its knees in total surrender,” Urungus predicts, from the band’s Antarctic stronghold. “The release marks the 25th anniversary of our thawing-out, and we proclaim a two-year celebration to herald this brain-melting event! The event is so colossal that the idea of a more traditional, one-year celebration seemed completely inappropriate...this one is longer...and bigger! The new shit rocks.”
“I feel rage that GWAR has been around for 25 years, kicking ass and making other people rich, and there still isn't a proper GWAR movie, video/computer game or sex aid,” Dave Brockie, Urungus’ alter ego chimes in. “We haven't even been to Asia yet. Even though we recorded an album there…in the future. There are still countless doors we must break down to attain everything that can and must be achieved by GWAR, and the 25th Anniversary is the perfect time to do just that! Break things!”
“I find it quite annoying that we're still stranded here on Earth after 25 years,” snaps Beefcake in closing. “We are meant for so much more. It is quite fortunate for you though, is it not? Is it you who are our captive audience, or are we your captive gift of awesomeness? Think about that!”
GWAR: Master's of metal and lords over Earth! Bow down and obey. Lust In Space is upon us.
A Band Of Orcs
Oog, Cretos, Hulg, Gronk!, and Gogog are a band of Orcs from Hirntodia, a dimension that quickly grew too small to contain them. They came to the Earth realm through a game of Dungeons & Dragons played by a group of Human children, who are now dead. The Game Master's older brother, Jed, saved his own life by offering to teach the Orcs to play guitar. SLAYER's "Reign in Blood" play in the background of Jed's room and eased the rage of the beasts, they found that Metal was something suitable for A BAND OF ORCS to master and use as a method of recruitment to Dominate Earth.
So it began.
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