All of a sudden I began to see that God doesn't tolerate a lot of things that people say they are willing to tolerate 'in love'...Just when did the word discrimination start meaning, 'I can't say no?'- Anita Bryant

Tammy Faye Starlite, the legendary evangelical chanteuse-cum-provacatuese, has, at last, emerged from her Butte City, Idaho compound. She had been in self- imposed exile there for the past 3 and 1/2-years following the events she refers to as “the Kolossal Kenyan Kommunist Koup of 2008.” She has rejoined the citizenry at large “to retrieve our beleaguered -- but still fantastic --country from its current dark, black, days of despondency to promote clean, ivory, fresh-scented values.” She cites the historical precedent set by her good friend and personal mentoress, Anita Bryant who confronted with a similar crisis threatening the sanctity of our populace in 1977.

Tammy Faye's concern for our nation came to a throbbing head when the "president" threw his support behind the Militant Homosexual Agenda, and she knew she needed to give herself once again to the American Caucasoids she so desperately loves in order to Save Our Children and to bring back the morality upon which this great country was erected. "Tammy Faye Starlite's Defense Of Opposite Marriage Tour/D.O.O.M. 2012" is her brand-new crusade in which she will try to marry as many gay men as possible in order to preserve the blessed and divinely created institution of marriage and It seemed to work for Marcus Bachmann and, of course, to “take our country back.” The inaugural performance is set for Tuesday, October 30 at The Bootleg Theater, 2220 Beverly Boulevard in Los Angeles.

She noted that the tour was launching in California as a tribute to Miss Carrie Prejean.* The former reigning Miss California is given credit for coining “opposite marriage,” a term, now very much in the common parlance used to describe the sacred union between one whose genitals are external to one whose genitals are contained internally.
To this end, Tammy will perform various sacred, pro-marriage songs, from Tammy Wynette's 1971 classic, "Don't Liberate Me, Love Me" to Cheap Trick's "Surrender." She will also touch on women's issues, as so many ladies seem so unnecessarily angry and unfeminine these days. Tammy wants to restore the holy beauty of womanhood with such songs as her paean to life and fecundity, "God Has Lodged A Tenant In My Uterus," as well as her signature female-oriented song, "Did I Shave My Vagina For This?"

Tammy will be back by a five-piece band under the direction of Peter "Petey" Andrews (Nancy Boy, Miss Evers Boys, JAG, NCIS) that includes drummer and Rock and Roll Hall of Fame inductee Pete Thomas (Elvis Costello & The Attractions, Jack Shit), LA punk rock bassist Ben Edge (Fields of Fire, Broken Needle, Bad Reaction), pianist Alex Burke (Magnolia Memoir, Michael Bublé, Margaret Cho, Second City) and violinist Lisa Germano (John Mellencamp, Giant Sand, Eels, Neil Finn)
And as the performance takes place on AlI-Hallow's Eve Eve, audience members are encouraged to come in any form of heterosexual wedding attire: sea-foam satin dresses adorned with big bedazzled back bows, powder blue 3-piece suits over Keith Partridge-style ruffled poly-blend shirts, and. of course, any style of David's Bridal gowns (65% off) in Virgin White or Restored-Virgin White. JoS A. Bank tuxedos (buy 2, get 1 free) in Slate Grey or Obsidian Onyx are also welcome. Please dye all shoes to match.

* "We live in a land that you can choose same-sex marriage or opposite marriage and, you know what, in my country and my family I think that I believe that a marriage should be between a man and a woman. No offense to anyone out there but that's how I was raised and that's how I think it should be between a man and a woman.” – Carrie Pejean, May 20, 2009